Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
