It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
