On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
no you cant smoke seaweed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
