I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
