Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
