So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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