i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
