So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
