She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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