If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
