What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
