i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
