please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
