my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
