Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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