it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
