Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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