I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
