Where is the hickey?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
