college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
