hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
