we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
His nipple licking is glorious
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