Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
