Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
