john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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