I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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