You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
