wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
