So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
