I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
