now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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