my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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