I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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