I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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