Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
