Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
two words: eviction party
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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