six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
