i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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