Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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