lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
