when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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