with your own penis?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
