Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
