i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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