I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
