oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
