I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
