last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Less talking, more tequila
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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