Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
