So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
