oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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