I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
