Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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