I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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